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I turn 30 next year and I feel like my dating life is over..

2020.09.24 20:48 gti88101 I turn 30 next year and I feel like my dating life is over..

I've(male) never had a girl interested in me in person
And over the years my online dating matches have gone from like 1 a month to 0 for months on end
I no longer get any matches (even if I remake my profiles) and I work now so no more opportunities to attract anyone like I'd had in college or school
I feel like its over, all downhill from here. I've missed out on so much, I've never been in an actual relationship and I've never done couple-y stuff that people 10 years younger than me are doing.
submitted by gti88101 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 20:09 acertainsaint Three Years of Trying to Do More than 10 Push Ups (and the 60+lbs I Lost Along the Way)


From "Day 1" in 2017 to Whatever-Day-It-Is-Today, I actually have only dropped from 301.1 lbs to 239.9 lbs. But, I didn't start at 301. I just happened to be at 301 when I started. This is a long-winded story I've been thinking about writing for a minute and finally have the time, the data, and some results and thoughts to share with others.
Here I am today: and
Here I am at Day Zero:
So, we'll start from the beginning:
I have always been "husky" or "big boned" or whatever other adjective that loving parents use to describe their morbidly obese children. I liked to EAT. Fundamentally, I lived to eat. And this was compounded by a number of factors:
  1. My family is made up of overweight adults with a palate for fatty, carb-heavy food and, more importantly, seconds. It was weird for someone to fill a plate and then not go back and fill it again!
  2. When I was younger, my mother was an important business-lady and my father was notoriously horrible at cooking. This lead to the common "It'll take too long to cook dinner, so we'll just go out." Next thing you know, you're at a steakhouse eating cheese fried smothered with ranch dressing and bacon two to three nights a week.
  3. My mom tried a few of the crash diet fads in the early 2000's. I remember Atkins being her BIG one; I think she paid for the big box of recipes and all that nonsense (which, ironically, was made funnier by the fact that she didn't start really cooking dinner at home until I was graduating high school in 2008). I remember seeing her "try" and "fail" to lose weight and at a certain point, eh - why try?
  4. My weight never stopped me from doing the lazy things I wanted to do. Not like I'm going to lose weight so I can play Diablo II (I did have the Lord of Destruction Expansion) all weekend. I had more than my fair share of "neck-beard" mentality and a whole LiveJournal of cringe-worthy bullshit that came out of my brain in the 2003-2008 era of High School.
  5. I didn't have any health issues because of my weight, so my weight was obviously not a problem. Right?
Whatever the reason was, I very quickly got fat around age 10 and stayed that way (ask me today and I'll still say I'm fat, just less so).
At my biggest, I KNOW I was tipping the scales at 330-340 lbs (this would have been 2009, 2010). I don't have any proof because if you don't weigh yourself, you can't be as fat as you know you are. I'm taking credit for the undocumented weight loss. If you don't want to count it, eh - 60 lbs is still pretty cool, too.


Today (September 24, 2020)


I am a bread bakepastry cook at a restaurant in Missouri and live in a secluded little apartment with my Wife. She farms chickens is the Poultry Specialist for the local university and does science with them, so I get a pretty good deal on eggs. No kids, yet, and no pets, yet. This leaves me with a lot of free time.
Especially since I'm a baker - I wake up around 4am daily and leave work between 12pm and 2pm. The wife works 8am-5pm, so I have a good amount of spare time to myself. I also, because I know this matters, ALWAYS go to bed between 830pm and 9pm.
As far as general fitness, I have just finished running a 4-day/wk variant of 5/3/1 (SSL, 5's Pro) which I did for the last 12 weeks. I've been lifting for most of my journey. I also took up running (on and off) for the last 6 months and have pushed and pushed from a 50 minute 5k to about a 30-32 minute 5k which I tend to mostly maybe run every other day regardless of what else is going on (so, Mon-Wed-Fri-Sun-Tues-Thurs-Sat, repeat). I also tried to include some Strongman conditioning twice a week depending on time.
I also bought a bike in August and have generally enjoyed biking to-and-from work 3-4x/wk despite the ride being downhill in the morning and uphill in the afternoon.
To put it simply, I'm active and I love it.

Starting Stats

Day 1 (August 6, 2017)

Why did you Start?

So I've told you about me in High School. I've told you about me now. What is missing is everything in between.
I was working in a BBQ Restaurant in Kentucky (where I'm from and grew up) and would regularly gamble with my coworkers over little bullshit things. Some of them were knowledge based, others were feats of strength, others were...look - we got REALLY bored sometimes and we had to pass the time. On my Day Zero, I specifically remembered being called out and challenged to do 10 push-ups. In a row.
I could totally do that. Any person who couldn't do that was obviously a big dumb idiot or a Fatty McFatFat. Right? This was the mentality I went into this challenge with.
I hadn't done a single push up in...ever? Since I thought about losing weight one time in college? Who does push ups for fun?
Guys - I'm gonna level with you. I couldn't do 10 push-ups. I could do 5. I lost $50 that day. I was bet $30 that I couldn't do the push ups (I lost that one) and then immediately called out my similar-sized-Boss to do 10 push-ups for $20 (he did 15).
I was torn up. I went home that night and was like - yo, who can't do 10 push ups? That's like, basic shit. I've seen babies do push ups! Ugh.
So I joined a gym. I started a MyFitnessPal. First workout selfie!

Counting Calories - But Never Tracking Weight

For the first few months of my Journey, I tracked calories pretty okay, maybe. I guessed a lot at what I ate (didn't own a food scale) and assumed I was making progress in my weight-loss because my lifts were going up in the gym (I was so, so, so dumb about some of that shit). Oh! I didn't own a bathroom scale. I thought about buying one, but didn't because it was too expensive. HA! God I had excuses.
Based on the exactly 6 data points I collected, I managed to lose 10 lbs between August 6 and Jan 1.
Here I am in November 2017:
Here I am in January 2018: and
That's about 21 weeks and about 0.5 lbs/wk. Which is great, sustainable weight-loss.
While I think that MFP overestimates your needed calories, I did manage to lose a good amount of weight at an okay rate over a reasonable time. Here's a major consideration though: I never once tracked exercise via MFP and I set my activity level to Sedentary. If you want slow, consistent results - I think that not tracking weight daily can work. Not for me, but hey - everything works for everyone.
I also dropped 150 lbs of good-for-nothing girlfriend that I didn't much care for. That took WAY longer than it should have. It was a horribly toxic relationship and one that I was glad to be out of. Frankly, the more I focused on bettering myself, the less the relationship was "good" for me. She wanted to drink and drink and drink and I wanted to go to bed at a reasonable hour. My goals shifted and I realized that this particular girl was not The One. Mental health improved considerably.

First Setback

Due to circumstances fully beyond my control, I was rendered bed-ridden and calorie deprived for 165 days. I had no physical activity and I lost 40 lbs in 24 weeks. There were entire days where I didn't stand up. I lost a ton of weight but this came at a huge cost: I lost all the muscle I had worked to put on. Remember how I looked in January 2018? Here's what I looked like in July 2018:
At this point, I was 245 lbs, fully clothed, Doctor Weight. And y'all know Doctor Weight is the realist weight. I was weak, fragile, and barely able to walk 50 feet without needing a break. When I finally did make it back to the gym, I was unable to squat the bar - seriously. I failed a squat with a 45 lb bar at 245 lbs BW.
So I did what any reasonable human being does: bulking season, bitches!
I bought a bathroom scale.
I brought my weight up to 260 lbs by September and held it there through Jan 2019.
This was important for me though - I went up and down a couple 5 lbs here and there but I really did try and keep my 7-day running average around 260 lbs. This took discipline that I was not used to - I realized that some of the cues I took to "eat" were just boredom. I stopped using food as a comfort, as a reward, or even as enjoyment. Food was fuel - and you don't top off the gas tank when the lever clicks.


This is what works for me, and I know this won't work for a lot of people, but I think it's an important note here, before I lose the weight again: I eat the same foods daily. I find that I cannot handle the mental stress of 1) losing weight 2) having to push hard in workouts despite being purposefully under-recovered and 3) counting calories.
So I don't.
I figure out what every day needs to look like and then I eat that diet every single day.
Currently, I just finished 12 weeks of weight loss. I wanted to shoot for about 2400-2500 calories consumed on any given day. Here's exactly what I've been eating:
Breakfast: Half a gallon of coffee, 6 eggs (ranging in size from peewee to jumbo, but all mixed), 1 tbsp butter, 40 grams of oatmeal, 1 tbsp brown sugar, 140 grams of frozen fruit (blueberries, strawberries, etc), 30 grams blanched slivered almonds.
Lunch: 450 calorie protein shake (50 grams of carbs, 50 grams of protein, give or take) (if I make it at work, add 2 shots of espresso)
Snack: two random yogurts ranging in caloric content from 90-190 calories.
Dinner: 1 chicken breast (8-12 oz) grilled, 160 gram serving of cooked mixed grains (quinoa, barley, farro, and white rice), 180 grams of steamed peas.
And I ate this every single day (with a few exceptions when my wife got bored) for 13 weeks.
To maintain weight, I'll probably just add 6 eggs or yogurt or peanut butter to my snacks and see where that puts me. I like to make easy swaps (like, 2 servings of PB2 is basically 1 yogurt's worth of calories and it solves my peanut butter craving). I don't like to track my calories. And this works for me. YMMV.
Oh! Also 5g of creatine. Every day.

Fitness - and Fittin'-This-Pizza

For the most part, I do resistance training. In Jan 2019, I had a few goals:
  1. Join the 1/2/3/4 Plate Club (spoiler: I didn't)
  2. Do 1 Pull-up (spoiler: I did)
  3. Drop from 260 lbs to 245 lbs (spoiler: I did).
By and large, I was able to go to the gym and lift weights for almost all of 2019 and it's during this time that I really did start to notice "changes" in the mirror and in my body. In March of 2019, I was starting to see a few muscles, my belt fit a little better, and I think I even took up trying to maybe consider jogging with my then-girlfriend-now-wife. Turns out, life is WAY better when you a partner with similar goals. We both wanted to be stronger and so we had a lot of fun weight training together.
One particular instance stands out in 2019. The Lady and I were hungry and antsy on a rest-day from the gym. We wanted pizza but didn't really think we deserved it since we'd done literally nothing all day. Like, you know those days where you sit on the couch and do nothing while binge watching Game of Thrones? That kind of day.
So we decided we were going to walk 5 miles to get a pizza, eat the pizza, and then walk 5 miles back home. And we did. Was it a bad use of food-as-a-reward? Sure. But the journey was really the more fun part! We both play PoGo and had a blast chasing pokemon down the road on a mission to get food. It's a great memory for both of us.
Here I am in November 2019 (243 lbs) about 2 weeks before I proposed: And I know what you're thinking - that might be the outline of abs!
BTW - she said yes, we were married in December, and life is good.

2020 - And the 90 Day Challenge (That We Failed Miserably)

In December 2020, I proposed to my Lady (get the double entendre?) that she and I try and lose weight for the first 90 days of 2020. Here's how that went:
January 1: 255 lb weigh in after a night of horrific binge drinking
Feb 23: 238 lb weigh in after my birthday weekend and the last time we tracked weight:
In January, we found out that we would be leaving KY and moving to MO in March. Like, we needed to be packed up and living in Missouri in the first week of March. So we canceled the gym membership in Feb, rented an apartment sight unseen in Missouri, and moved 500 miles away. Life was too hectic to also worry about things like our weight or the fact that we tried to lose weight in a crazy crash-diet for funsies.
We moved to Missouri without issue and then - COVID-19. The gyms closed. I was unemployed. Deep depression set in as I unpacked our new home and did nothing all day. I must have spent a month in this horrific sneaky hate spiral.
March came and went. April came and went. I started to go to the park nearby for a walk and that eventually became a good routine for me. There weren't many Pokestops, so I started to want to get between them faster. Walking became slow jogging and jogging became dedicated running and Pokemon fell by the wayside in that endeavor. Hey - do what works for you, right?
My first attempt at a 5k (which happens to be exactly 5 laps at the local park) was 52:44 walking. I knew I could do better. (Spoiler: My best time to date is 30:30 with a 5-run average of 31:24).
July 20: 252 lbs. I had regained 15 lbs during COVID-quarantine.

Losing the COVID-19

So I set about losing the COVID-19. How hard can it be? I figured I'd lose weight at about 2lbs/wk (which at 250 lbs, should be easy enough). I did the math, figured out my diet (see above) and set to work. For the next parts of the story to make sense, you'll need a graph:
I put my plan into place. A local powerlifting gym was open and I joined on their first day open. It's 24/7 and generally pretty empty when I want to be lifting, so it was going to be safe and had all the equipment and support that I would need to make serious lifting gains.
You'll see that I had Setback #3 around the first week of August: I had literally burnt myself out. I started pushing the 5k times for faster and faster. I bought my bicycle and rode it more and more often. I wanted more conditioning. More cardio. Faster lifts. Heavier lifts.
In short: I kicked my own ass.
I had to readjust. The calories I was eating previously (about 2000/day) were not enough to support my activity level. So I bumped the calories to 2500ish/day and finished my training block.
You'll also see big spikes in weigh-ins - yeah, those are days when the Wife was tired of chicken/rice/peas and demanded something more fun (pizza, chinese, spaghetti, nachos). And you'll see that even those occasional "oh my god why did I eat that?" days didn't really hinder progress. In fact, I will credit my wife with helping to fight the mental fatigue of losing so much weight so quickly.


Conclusion and Takeaways

Guys, I see it all the time in Fitness. This is a fucking marathon. It's not a sprint. It is a lifetime of real, slow lifestyle changes that build and continue to snowball until you look back and cannot believe how far you've come. I could not do 10 push ups! Now I can do 20 in 30 seconds. If you told 27 year old me about what 30 year old me would be up to, I would not believe it.
I don't have much in the way of advice.
My lifts aren't stellar or even really impressive on the internet.
My progress is okay, but I've seen people really crush it and lose more. I'm gonna run the full 21 week program Average to Savage and that should end around my birthday. See where I am at 31.
But I do know that 1 day isn't enough to fuck up your progress. Hell, 1 week isn't even a big set back. 165 days bed ridden didn't hold me back. I have a completely rebuilt shoulder and that doesn't hold me back. Why would one day hold you back?
So, take it one day at a time. Today sucked? Tomorrow you'll do better. Gotta make a sacrifice today? Tomorrow you'll do better. Be better. Do better.
My wife jokes that I live by two rules: 1) Never lie to yourself and 2) There is nothing I can't do.
I'll leave you with that great advice and here's a video of me failing a 435 lb deadlift attempt for shits and giggles: I have plenty of excuses, but tomorrow I'll do better.
submitted by acertainsaint to loseit [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 19:56 slimwaiter Dates/sex with bad logistics?

Invited a girl out for drinks and she agreed but I’m currently staying with parents and she lives almost an hour away. She mentioned meeting each other in the middle but seems a hard sell to get back to her place from there. She hinted before she might be DTF saying “I’m for sure inexperienced with the stuff I’d want to do with you” (in reference to a BDSM picture on my profile) so was wondering how to set up this date better?
submitted by slimwaiter to askseddit [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 19:55 slimwaiter Dates/sex with bad logistics?

Invited a girl out for drinks and she agreed but I’m currently staying with parents and she lives almost an hour away. She mentioned meeting each other in the middle but seems a hard sell to get back to her place from there. She hinted before she might be DTF saying “I’m for sure inexperienced with the stuff I’d want to do with you” (in reference to a BDSM picture on my profile) so was wondering how to set up this date better?
submitted by slimwaiter to asktrp [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 19:31 keneaise SHOULD I TELL HER?

My penis nerves were cut during an operation. Wife died but sex was good until then. Now on dating sites. Should profile say upfront, intercourse is not possible, or is it better to form a relationship first before telling her? I dont think any girl would respond if I put that in my profile.
submitted by keneaise to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 19:25 Lane51 How would you feel if someone saw you on a dating app and messaged you over social media?

I'm thinking of situation where either she didn't swipe yes or she lost your profile. I've only really heard about this being talked about from the perspective of a guy sliding into a girl's Instagram dms after not getting a match which has generally been decided to be a bit much. I'm curious how you would feel if it came from a girl? Would the social media platform that is happened on (eg twitter vs facebook vs instagram) make a difference?
tl:dr would you be creeped out if a girl saw you on a dating app and messaged you over social media
submitted by Lane51 to AskMen [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 18:28 peanutgolden135 I [28M] started dating a girl [27F] who just got out of a long term relationship

I've been dating this girl I met on Bumble for a month. Things are going great. We connect really well and I've been very excited about it. We've had sex, she's met a few of my friends, and things have felt like they're progressing well.
This past weekend we got pretty drunk while out. She told me she loves me and would be happy to be my girlfriend (I obviously took both of these comments with a grain of salt/not seriously as she was pretty gone at the moment, so I figured we'd organically have those conversations at a later, more sober time).
A few days later, I noticed she changed some pictures on her Bumble profile, which caught me off guard. I'm not actively talking to anyone on these apps since I met her, but it did become a little habit while watching TV or whatever so sometimes I'll just look at matches or whatever. So, I went ahead and mentioned that I noticed she updated her profile and was just kind of curious about it given how she was acting towards me just a few days prior (fully noting the hypocrisy since I'm still on the app as well). She said she just didn't like the pictures she had and wanted to change them, and not to interpret it as any comment about how she feels about me or what's going on with us. I told her it's really not a big deal as we haven't had any (real) exclusivity conversation yet. I told her that I think things have been going great with us and she also agreed "Things are going great".
She then mentioned though, that she isn't sure she's 100% ready for a boyfriend/girlfriend thing as she recently got out of a long term relationship and it had a pretty messed up ending (I know very few details as she hasn't spoken about it much). She says she'd love to get to the place where she wants to be, and wants to keep hanging out with me and see where it goes. I told her I'm fine with that and do not want her to feel rushed or pressured into anything.
I guess I'm just curious how I should approach it from here. I like her a lot and would like this to become an actual relationship. Two things to note are the relationship has been over for at least 7 months and the ex is not in the picture at all (he's halfway across the country). I'm curious about what happened (especially given the "messed up" comment) but I don't feel it's my place to pry into her past and she'll open up about it when she is okay with it. I don't want to pressure her but I also want to have some way to escalate it so it's not just hanging out for another month or so and then fizzling out. Anyone have similar stories or advice that could be of assistance?
TL;DR: started dating new girl. going great. she just got out of a LTR about 7months ago. she wants to be ready for a relationship but isn't completely there but she does think things are going great with me and wants to keep hanging out and see where it goes.
submitted by peanutgolden135 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 18:20 Anonymous_Dreamer_91 INFJs.. have you ever reached breaking point?

People who know me, reading this.. you can close your eyes. I seek the opinions of strangers.
29/F, India. Not very conventional. Type B person stuck in academia- sort of.
Lazy but smart, will do things well when solely entrusted with them, resent being micro-managed. I do things best when I can really put my heart into it. Kinda artsy, love music and seeing beautiful places. Should have been a hippy- protests for my pet causes, all heart over brain, free love n 420. I have my share of ailments, however, that limit a lot of what I can do.
My dad is an unhappy INTJ who became obsessed with MBTI, IQ and other tests when I was a teen and made me do them all- I typed as an INFP then- the Artist, it said- I got laughed at by everyone at home- a penniless fool, you'll be. Over time I have been typing as an INFJ. I haven't studied personality theory much but it's nice to not feel like an alien and to know there's a tribe of similar people out there- who feel things too deeply.
I have been fat and colour shamed A LOT since early childhood.. And deep down, it never goes away. I grew up with impossible standards foisted on me-physical, academics, sports- you name it, and my short-comings were constantly rubbed in my face. I believed it too "never good enough". Was always a people-pleaser, co-dependant and seeking validation. Struggled to say "no", still do. I was that perfect daughter who did everything she was told. Grad, post grad, years off to prepare- all like my dad wanted- he had wanted to be something else and got emotionally blackmailed by his mother into this field and he did the same to me. My dad is a blunt man who says hurtful things with no filter. I can't help but take his words to be truth- like I did growing up.
I was abused as a young child aged 6 to 9 by a domestic helper who kept me blackmailed and quiet. That made me quite fragile from being a chirpy child earlier. No-one noticed the change. The ones whom I suspect did know of the abuse, did nothing. I had mean friends and all that shit over the years- a precocious but naive and trusting girl- and so I remained up until recently after a string of awful happenings. I was clinically depressed last month, seeing a therapist but it seemed like pointless talk eventually. I'm coming out of it right now and having these realizations- the pointlessness of trying so hard and the pressure I put on myself.
I was a romantic- hoping to be saved- that all my sadness would be fixed by a stoic knight. I waited and hoped. The men I dated were no good but taught me some valuable lessons. The arranged marriage route proved hopeless. I was subclinically depressed on n off and stopped looking after my health and body. My dad blamed this for my failure at arranged marriage- the product being sold mustn't make the buyer look bad to society apparently. The misogyny of my father rears its ugly head- in the way he leaves that one peanut buttery spoon in an empty, pristine sink, for my mom to clean- the way he found out that I have "been on Tinder" and am therefore no longer eligible for conservative, good Indian boys: given my "history"- the time I protested that most guys do experiment before marriage and how it shouldn't be different for girls and I got my answer through gritted teeth: "that's the way it is" - how when I tried to tell him I was date raped and that is how I lost my virginity at 27 and that sent me on a hypersexual spiral, he flashed his eyes and set his jaw and said "but you're the one continuing to sleep around now, right?!"- How I'm not physically as attractive and marriageable as him and my mom were some 25 years ago- I can go on.. He is an unhappy intellectual snob who tries to force his views on us in our house- he literally tantrums when questioned. In forcing us down paths he is passing on the buck of what was done to him it seems.
My mom also types as INFJ but I swear there must be a mistake- we are poles apart. Growing up, she was extremely volatile- physical and verbal abuse out of proportion to transgressions (she patterns after her mother) followed by either teary apologies or the cold shoulder. I hated the unpredictability and instability she wreaked. Compared to that I loved the zen attitude of my dad. As a grown up, now it seems I got it wrong- he has done far more harm over the years and she just submits to his opinions. She is hyper-religious, he is too, when it suits him.
Religion never "sat right" with me. Maybe a bit as a teenager but my conviction was never strong. And since God supposedly controls everything and I have been through too much shit so far, including 2 surgeries in the last 5 years- And I have fallen apart in every way possible- I now identify as agnostic. It has been liberating. Also, karma- my ass.
Also, I'm scared to get emotionally vulnerable with another "knight" who turns out to be a polished fucboi or just a snowflake. I'm finally coming to terms with the painful realization that despite me being amazing but with quirks and pet peeves that have grown inflexible with time- Mr. Right may never indeed appear. It breaks my heart- because that understanding and deep companionship is all I ever yearned for in life- and as I tear my skin from my flesh, screaming on the inside- I struggle to swallow this bitter pill- that I may indeed end up being forever alone- the One True Dream unfulfilled.
Being self-aware sucks. So many people manage to trick themselves that they are happy- sheeple with ticked check-lists. Shallow, happy existences. With time I have accrued my list of "I don't like this-es" and know a few things that I sincerely like. How shall I drown my pain.. music helps, travelling too. I need to create- vent the angst somehow.. and find joy.. somewhere.
At the end of all this- I have come to the conclusion that "being good" at the expense of my happiness and freedom of choice has not been worth it- not one bit. I am a kind and strong person now- exploited a lot by people in the past but now I just stay away. I have trust issues. I cannot fully share my pain with my friends because they are used to me being whimsical, trusting and hopeful. I have reached breaking point. The hardened and hopeless creature I am now, a wounded animal- will be too harsh for their eyes. Hence I speak here, to my tribe- have you been a please-all who suddenly had an epiphany and said fuck it all? Coz no matter what you do people will talk and be nasty and trying is pointless? I look back at 29 wasted years where I lived for others. It's time to live for myself. Has this happened to any of you?
Edit: I have overshared my story over and over seeking catharsis and liberation that have evaded me, commiserations at unfairness and hoping to be understood better.. but I'm the garbage truck is full now.. I'm finally looking at setting down this sack of burdens and walking off, saying yes, life sucks but you must put yourself first and create your own happiness instead of dwelling on and wallowing in the past- a bad habit I learnt from a friend in college. Going to try to not care about people and their opinions any more.
P.P.S.: Catfishes and nasties of Reddit who follow me, messed with me and made me ghost my profile- now you know you fucked with an already messed up chick- most things can't hurt me much any more- oh, another online disappointment, pshaw.
(I am aware that I may get triggering trolls and nasty comments but please try not to.)
submitted by Anonymous_Dreamer_91 to infj [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 18:13 peanutgolden135 I [33M] started dating a girl [28F] started dating a girl recently out of a long term relationship

I've been seeing this girl for a month and it has been absolutely great. We have a similar sense of humor and interests and things have been going great. We've had sex a number of times and on a physical level we connect real well also.
Last weekend we were out doing some day drinking and she got pretty smashed. Told me she loved me, that she'd like to be in a relationship and would be happy to be my girlfriend. Obviously, I took all of that with a grain of salt given her state of mind and just kind of brushed it off and figured we'd address it later at an appropriate time/when sober (we've also only been dating/hanging out for a month, so seemed a little soon for that conversation anyway).
A few days later, I was messing around on Hinge (I have not actually spoken with any matches since seeing this girl, but dicking around with the app kind of became a habit while watching TV or whatever) and noticed that she had updated her profile. This caught me off guard given her drunken comments a few days prior, so I went ahead and asked her why (fully noting the hypocrisy that I am also still on the app and whatnot). She told me that she didn't like the pictures of herself she had up there and wanted to change them and that it isn't anything I should interpret as a comment about her feelings for me or what we've been doing. I told her it's cool as we haven't had a talk about exclusivity (while sober), but it just caught me off guard since I thought things are going pretty great. She said she thinks things are going great too and she's glad I brought it up.
She then goes on to note though, that she isn't fully comfortable with a boyfriend/girlfriend situation yet since her last long term relationship ended in a screwed up way (I do not know the details). She says she'd love to get there, just that it would be unfair for her to say she's committed to being anyones girlfriend right now. She then said she'd like to keep hanging out and getting to know each other better. I told her that's fine with me and I don't want her to feel pressured or rushed into anything she isn't comfortable with.
I knew she got out of something recent from social media but other than that she hasn't really commented on it. I do know it ended at least 7 months ago (probably longer) and the ex isn't in the picture as he's halfway across the country. I guess I'm wondering how I should approach this going forward or anyone with a similar story to let me know how it turned out. I'm going to keep things pretty casual while I suppose slowly trying to escalate to a more boyfriend-ish role, but I'm not too sure how to pull that off without seeming pushy. I would start dating other people as well but I really don't have the time and would prefer to stick with this one.
TL;DR: started dating a new girl for a month. going great. she told me she recently got out of a LTR and while she wants to want a boyfriend, she isn't there yet.
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2020.09.24 17:53 Yo_Wassup1 Do you guys think my GF is a HUGE red flag?

We are both 17
She continuously sees if I have interest in others, when this first happened I told her I only wanted her then her response was “My bad” I told her it was no need to be sorry. She then KEPT doing it even more to the point where it’s annoying. She shows me a picture of not only females, also MALES. I’m not gay but I do have enough confidence to compliment another guy. My Gf showed me a instagram picture of some guy and she said “He’s tall” I replied “Hot” she responded “I know right” Then she’ll say “Do you want me to show you a profile of a girl now?” I replied “Sure” then she’ll show me profiles.
She’s shown me pictures of MOSTLY females and she gives me the usernames of these people and I search them up. She’s asked me to send a friend request to some female. I said “eh, she’s not really my type but I’ll contact her.” I looked up her user and sent her a friend request(She luckily didn’t answer) and later on my gf asked me if I ever sent a friend request to that person and I told her I did but she didn’t accept it, my girlfriend’s response was “Lol”
She also has said “I’m so scared I’ll lose you” I asked her how would she lose me and she replied “What if you find someone better.” Omg, I have to mention that time where I was complimenting her and she said “Stop before I find you another girlfriend.” I continued to compliment her so she went on instagram and started to find random girls and showed me. She’s making me think that it’s ok if I look at other women and compliment others. Basically she’s allowing me to cheat?
She literally would send me their username for me to look up and I’ll screenshot it once I found it and she’ll confirm that I was on the right profile. It’s almost like a dating site where I get suggested women in my area and I get to pick if I like them or not. I tried to reassure her if she was insecure but I’m not gonna keep reassuring her EVERYTIME so I’m just playing along.
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2020.09.24 17:36 Yo_Wassup1 Do you guys think my GF is a HUGE red flag?

We are both 17
She continuously sees if I have interest in others, when this first happened I told her I only wanted her then her response was “My bad” I told her it was no need to be sorry. She then KEPT doing it even more to the point where it’s annoying. She shows me a picture of not only females, also MALES. I’m not gay but I do have enough confidence to compliment another guy. My Gf showed me a instagram picture of some guy and she said “He’s tall” I replied “Hot” she responded “I know right” Then she’ll say “Do you want me to show you a profile of a girl now?” I replied “Sure” then she’ll show me profiles.
She’s shown me pictures of MOSTLY females and she gives me the usernames of these people and I search them up. She’s asked me to send a friend request to some female. I said “eh, she’s not really my type but I’ll contact her.” I looked up her user and sent her a friend request(She luckily didn’t answer) and later on my gf asked me if I ever sent a friend request to that person and I told her I did but she didn’t accept it, my girlfriend’s response was “Lol”
She also has said “I’m so scared I’ll lose you” I asked her how would she lose me and she replied “What if you find someone better.” Omg, I have to mention that time where I was complimenting her and she said “Stop before I find you another girlfriend.” I continued to compliment her so she went on instagram and started to find random girls and showed me. She’s making me think that it’s ok if I look at other women and compliment others. Basically she’s allowing me to cheat?
She literally would send me their username for me to look up and I’ll screenshot it once I found it and she’ll confirm that I was on the right profile. It’s almost like a dating site where I get suggested women in my area and I get to pick if I like them or not. I tried to reassure her if she was insecure but I’m not gonna keep reassuring her EVERYTIME so I’m just playing along.
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2020.09.24 17:34 ThrowRA_nikki Cheating? BF (m27) flirted with girl on Messger while I gave him silence treatment, he tired to hide it but failed

My BF (27m) and I (25f) have been dating for 3+ years. Sometimes, I use his phone to look at our pictures and edit them. I never check his phone behind his back and always asked for permission first [Maybe because he has nothing to hide, or maybe because he keeps his phone very clean because he often connects his phone to his family TV and share the screen with his parents] He is usually okay with me using his phone.
This year, I was using his phone to send pictures to me through Messagers. I found out something about a girl, let's name her B. Background about this girl B:
They went out for couples dates before my BF and I met, but they were not bf/gf. He liked a lot of her profile pictures, and he's not the type that like every single picture he sees. She sent him a message on his bday saying that him and her should celebrate bday together, while we are still dating. He then replied thank you.
I found out that this year while we were in a big fight and I ignore him for 5 days, he sent message to girl B saying:
-he decided to break up with me (we were not officially broken up yet, just me having responded to him for 5 days)
-he called her so gorgeous and being very flirty and say any guys would be lucky to have her and win her heart
-he asked her to meet up after the pandamic
-he talked about their trip happened in the past.
I also found out he was probably guilty because he deleted their conversation box from Messager. But when I type this girl's name and click the message button from her page, I could see the chat history. I then confronted him right away, but i did not say i see the whole chat history. I asked about the girl, asked if he still talked to her. He then pulled out the chat and start reading it himself (he probably dont rmb the details). He then admitted to me that he was telling her about wanted to break up with me but did not mention about the flirting part. I then asked him, ok, if she's your friend, then introduce her to me and she can all hangout together. If she's just someone you used to date but not friends, then you can delete her or just show me the chat history of yours. He then chose to deleted her and not showed me the history.
Question: is this considered cheating? Seems like he didn't do anything but I dont like to feel that if we fight he can go be flirty with other girls. Is this a very bad sign? I did talk to him and say that in the future he wants to flirt with other girls he must break up with me officially otherwise I will consider it as cheating and there's no coming back from that.
background about our R: We fought and made up a lot in the first year. Now, we still fight, but less frequently and shorter time slots for sure. There are 4, 5 serious big fights during the years and 2 big ones led to breakups. One was in the first year, we were just being younger and stupid. The second one was family and principle related and we solved the problem already before we decided to got back together. Big fights, small fights, we always seem to find a way to get back together and be stronger as a couple. I think it is because we still love each other, and as long as we are loyal to each other, no physical abuse or cheating, lots of problems we could work it out.
P.S Sorry it is a bit wordy and thank you guys for reading it so far!
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2020.09.24 17:32 throwawayincelgf Been in a relationship with an Incel for 7 years

So, like the title, I have been in a relationship with a hateful incel guy. I’ve known him since we were in grade school. I just thought he was a very quiet, shy guy in our classroom but he got friends who played online games with him. Since we have the same "nerdy" interests, I was always talking with him about typical "nerdy" stuff. Then high school came around and he started to say flirtatious things. Long story short, we got into a relationship.
At first it was fine, or so I thought. The more I hung around his friend group, the more I realized how bad they were by saying how they wanted to rape some of their girl classmates, the female teachers, how one of them "secretly" wants to rape me while my boyfriend watches us etc. I brushed it off as teens trying to be edgy. Before we had our first sexual experience, he told me how much he preferred me to have the body of Megan Fox (I was 15 that time). Being very young and naive, it affected my self esteem and I googled on how to have big chest and butt fast lol. He would always demand me to wear skimpy clothes on our dates but he would also bad mouth Chads and Stacys and almost everyone with SO and girls wearing the same clothes as me as whores. It’s so uncomfortable but I just awkwardly laugh at it because he would get grumpy when I didn’t acknowledge his jokes. When I told him it’s wrong, he would also get mad at me and say they deserved to be harassed and raped.
We were in college that time. I was taking an engineering course and that was truly demanding. I had tests, projects, requirements to do everyday and we rarely had a time for each other. He told me to just stop taking it because engineering is a men’s job and I should just take something related to arts because it’s easier, plus he commented on how I could draw naked women or some hentai of us or some anime girl he fancied. He would always accuse me of cheating on him because most of my classmates and professors were men. I was so discouraged and disgusted.
When he finally took my virginity, he asked why my hymen didn’t bleed and accused me of having sex with other guys before him. I told him hymens don’t work that way and he only believed me because he googled about it. I told him we should use condoms because I might get pregnant but then he said it was only because I would cheat on him (wtf seriously) and he told me girls who take birth control pills were sluts and didn’t want to have responsibilities for having sex with multiple partners. When I missed my period for 3 months (I was 18 that time), I told him I might be pregnant and I wanted to have an abortion. He shamed and guilt tripped me, saying I should be responsible for what happened. It heightened the depression I felt and I started working while studying just to afford having this abortion. It still hurts and haunts me but I knew we weren't ready to raise another life in this world. I finally told him after and he told me not to worry about it anymore and we should just forget about it but how could I forget when he constantly mocked me about my "graveyard womb" and joke about it with his friends?
There were so many things that he did that obviously aligned with these hateful incels but the last straw was when he hacked my Facebook account and posted about how I cheated on him (which I never did. I was focused on getting my college degree) and tagged my parents about my abortion, posting screenshots of our conversations and calling it a "pity party". My parents were strict Christians and scolded me for this. At that time, I was so exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. He apologized the next day and again, told me to just start over again and I believed him.
I didn’t know that time these were red flags already. I just thought I could change his views/opinions and I didn’t give up on him. I truly loved him but his everyday hatred towards women and society were too draining but I still stuck around because he was my first boyfriend/my first love/my first everything.
Then I stumble upon these kinds of subreddits. I’m not really an explorer around the internet lol and I’m focused on my studies so this was all new to me. 7 years later, I found out my ex was and until now, is an incel. We just broke up this year before the pandemic started. You wanna know why? Because I told him I didn’t want to go out and risk getting infected just because he wanted a blowjob.
I cried when he told me he wanted to break up. I was so upset and devastated but I finally realized he wasn’t worth the tears. Before breaking up with me, he told me how "used" my vagina is right now, how "loose" it feels, how I’m not a "foid" anymore (I felt so disgusted when I searched up that term), how he thought I was a submissive "waifu" for him (since I’m half Japanese) and how he preferred my body when I was 15 like wtf. He was the only boyfriend I had and I never cheated or hooked up with any guy during our 7 years together while he got 2 girls to fuck around while I was busting my ass in college.
Now that I talked to someone new who is mature enough to understand the situation that we’re in, truly respected and loved me, I realized how much time I wasted with that incel. We’ve been only talking for months but I felt more love and appreciation versus that dreadful 7 year relationship I had. Take note, that guy isn’t a Chad; he’s not rich, not 6 ft tall, not Hollywood actor handsome. He’s just a decent normal guy capable of handling conversations without turning it to hate
I truly thought I could help him be a better person but no, only they can help themselves but they refuse it because they think the entire world is against them. They’re so full of hate and misery, they want everyone else to feel the same as well. I checked on his Facebook profile before deactivating my social media accounts for privacy and lo and behold, he‘s posting on how women are sluts and gold diggers and will only go for Chads and how someone like him will never get laid and experience love (like wtf is that 7 years dude?!) He’s also posting conversations with teen girls and comments hateful speeches on random women online while his friends cheer him on. I must admit I will miss playing D&D with them but I got a better party and dungeon master now lol
TL;DR: Ex bf was an incel, still agreed to be with him, treated me like absolute shit during our relationship, tried to help him but he never wanted to change, broke up with me because I told him I don’t wanna have sex during the pandemic, now he’s a full blown misogynistic asshole incel that targets and bullies young girls online. So yeah, major yikes.
submitted by throwawayincelgf to IncelTear [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 17:22 Scarns_tots Not a rant but a vent about OLD

Hi so this definitely isn't a rant but just a vent out about the weirdness of OLD during this pandemic. I've been OLD for a long time and had managed to get few dates pre covid but I recently matched up with a girl who seemed sweet. Her profile included prompts saying that all she wanted was someone to put in effort. She seemed genuine and cute, we chatted, even exchanged numbers and had decided to meet up on Sunday for dinnedrinks(I even made the reservations haha). And then suddenly today morning I receive a text from her saying that she doesn't want to go because she feels she wants to focus on school and her career. Of course I don't blame her but i was just disappointed to see that message. I wasn't super attached of course and she lived pretty far away from me, just slightly irritated by the fickle behavior of people on OLD. I'm usually a nice guy and aim to find a good relationship but there are incidents like these where I just am tempted to fuck everything and turn into a fuckboi(I know it's wrong, it's just a temporary feeling lol). It's weird to see people being hypocritical. On one hand they want someone to put in effort but at the same time they shy away when someone shows a genuine interest. And before you comment asking me to man up or tell me that it's the harsh reality of dating, I already know that. It's not a vent about that particular girl, it's just a trend I've seen get repeated. Plus it's really hard to meet someone irl and real life relationships take lot of time, so is that why people succumb to OLD, become fickle and then complain how there aren't any good guys/girls left? Just wanted to hear your opinions. I've felt reddit community has been amazingly supportive so any constructive comments would be really great!
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2020.09.24 17:09 steve-abb I (M25) am going insane over the girl (F21) i'm dating for roughly over 2 months now. She has a broken heart and has problems opening up. I think she's the one but i'm a bit left in the dark?

Hey everyone, (in advance, sorry for my not so good english)
I've met this girl at a work event at my office this year in February and from there on, from the very first second I was blown away. We talked for a bit and noticed that we're actually always have been chillin at the same spots and bars in town and even knowing a lot of the same people in our age, but never ever have heard of another before. We exchanged our instagram profiles and followed each other and that was it for the moment. A few months later in June it was her birthday and i sent her a normal message with some birthday greetings, after that we sent like 2-3 messages back and forth. Then after roughly 3-4 weeks in the end of June we actually met due to random circumstances since her best friend and a very good friend of mine are friends for some years. (which we didnt know off) We actually ended up meeting a few times in the group of us 4 like going shopping, cooking dinner together and stuff like that.
After some time we started texting quite a lot and after around a week, i asked her out on a date. We went to a restaurant, had dinner, drank some wine and some awesome conversations. We continued texting and went on some several dates during august. The conversations got deeper, we kissed and even had sex pretty soon.
She told me a lot about her past. She only had one relationship which went on for 3 Years. That guy didnt treat her good, controlled her, lied to her and cheated on her several times. It was her first "love" and her heart got broken pretty hard. After that she didnt want to get attached anymore and started like a "hoe-phase". She hooked up with a "lot" of guys, but most of the time it was just having sex, maybe 2-3 times, sometimes just once, texting a bit and then it was it after about 2 weeks since they guys she met up with were mostly fuckboys and went cold on her after they got what they wanted. All of that pretty much fucked up her way of thinking about the behavior and intentions of Man.
Now in the end of September we're already dating for about 2 months, we went on many dates, had many awesome conversations, met each others friends and family, had a lot of awesome sex and just spent so much quality time with eachother. We're texting everyday without it getting boring and we meet up 3-4 days a week.
It practically already feels like a relationship but here is the problem.. I know from what her and her best friend told me that she isnt good in talking about emotions and feelings due to her past. She has a hard time commiting to such serious things like a relationship. And i do understand that and i want to give her all the time she needs without pressuring her but i feel so lost in not knowing where this is going. I already developed quite strong feelings for her and i honestly think that she is the one for me, since everything between us just fits so perfectly. There isnt just one tiny thing whats missing in her.
I once told her after one month of dating, that i'am a bit confused since i dont what to think . I told her that i really like her and that my intentions are only good and that i really dont want to be a guy shes just hooking up with for 2 weeks. She told me that i shouldnt worry and that she likes me too and is enjoying beeing and spending time with me. And after that "talk" things between us and the great time we spent together didnt change at all or went awkward.
The thing is, i still dont know what all of this is after 2 months but i dont want to bring this topic up anymore since i know its a difficult one for her and she doesnt like to talk about that stuff since she has a really hard time talking about her feelings and opening up when it comes to emotions. For example when i make her a present or get her some flowers she has a hard time showing that shes really happy about it, even tho i know she is. Probably because she never experience this kind of affection and attention. Another example of what i dont understand is that she doesnt like to kiss me. I dont mean we are not kissing at all, but its always just when we have sex or say goodbye to eath other after hanging out. There is no "Hello-Kiss" or just one random one in between. When i try to kiss her she always dodges and turns her head away, which doesnt feel good at all.
I'm not even sure where im going with Thread :D im just so confused and lost cause im really in love with her and i just dont know whats going on inside her heart and her head and it just drives me crazy.. i mean things between us are awesome but i just dont know where this i going and i actually just would like some clarity.

Maybe somewhere here is someone who has experienced something simular and has some advice for me...

TL;dr I'have fallen in love with a heartbroken girl who always got treated like shit and is scared of commitment, opening up and talking about emotions and feelings. I dont know what to think, because even tho she spents a lot time with me and everything is going good, i have no idea whats going on inside her heart and head.
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2020.09.24 16:35 Yo_Wassup1 Is my[18m] girlfriend[18f] bi curious?

She continuously sees if I have interest in others, when this first happened I told her I only wanted her then her response was “My bad” I told her it was no need to be sorry. She then KEPT doing it even more to the point where it’s annoying. She shows me a picture of not only females, also MALES. I’m not gay but I do have enough confidence to compliment another guy. My Gf showed me a instagram picture of some guy and she said “He’s tall” I replied “Hot” she responded “I know right” Then she’ll say “Do you want me to show you a profile of a girl now?” I replied “Sure” then she’ll show me profiles.
She’s shown me pictures of MOSTLY females and she gives me the usernames of these people and I search them up. She’s asked me to send a friend request to some female. I said “eh, she’s not really my type but I’ll contact her.” I looked up her user and sent her a friend request(She luckily didn’t answer) and later on my gf asked me if I ever sent a friend request to that person and I told her I did but she didn’t accept it, my girlfriend’s response was “Lol”
She also has said “I’m so scared I’ll lose you” I asked her how would she lose me and she replied “What if you find someone better.” I did mention that when we weren’t dating yet she said “This girl thinks I have a crush on her.” but when we were officially dating she said “I wanted to ask this girl out but she’s taken, wow.” She either is bi, wants an open relationship, or is playing some weird head game that comes from insecurity.
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2020.09.24 14:23 angelfrmmynightmare 🏳️‍🌈Do I (33 F) believe her (26F) this time?!

I’ve been dating this girl off and on since March. One of the huge things that broke the foundation initially was that a friend of mine found her profile still active on Tinder. She followed by sending me a video of her screen and going through her messages on Tinder, claiming she was just looking for friends. She’s really naive and literally doesn’t realize when she’s flirting with people or when it can be interpreted that way through texts and messages. After weeks of her begging through different numbers for another chance, I caved. We’ve had a lot of fun and it feels like the beginning all over again, which is a rush. Last night I asked her where she met the friend she was texting and our conversation went like this... “I met her online.” “Online, where?” “Some friend app” I knew she was full of it at this point. “Please be honest with me.” “I am.” “Show me the app, I always need new friends” She hesitated, but opened her phone and there was tinder “I haven’t checked it in forever.” She opens the app and goes to the messages and tries to play it off. I ask to see when she sent the last message to someone, only to find out it was a message the day before after she had left my apartment. After confronting her, she told me how innocent all the messages were and she just wanted friends and people to talk to. During this time, she mentioned if I’m ever on Tinder not to match with anonymous name because she “knows a lot about me”.... (which has bothered me all night) She then asked to know the timeline of my fling with another girl that I had met while I had her blocked and she claimed that what I did was worse even though we weren’t together, nor was I planning on letting her in again. I went on two dates with that girl, but there was nothing physical that happened. It was purely a texting thing for two weeks. We weren’t talking for over three weeks, well, I wasn’t responding to all of the fake numbers. She really is naive about her social skills, but in a way I feel like she knows how I felt about tinder ... idk... I don’t know what to think or feel because my feelings for her are really strong and she claims hers are too, but am I being a complete idiot? Also, is what I did really worse?
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2020.09.24 13:51 XanderGeist Was I the victim of a rebound relationship?

I'm confused on this and I want your opinions on if it was a rebound relationship.
I am 18, male, my ex gf is 17.
My ex got out of a relationship, which lasted about a month, breaking off slowly and eventually my ex ended up getting cheated on. After about another month our relationship started, and soon, after about 3-4 months, we broke up because she decided she still had feelings for the guy after he pulled a "notice me, I want your attention again" type of move, and 2 weeks after we broke up, she came back to me, told me she went out with the guy, and he laughed when she said she broke up with me, this disgusted her, and she realised she made a mistake in breaking it off with me, and we continued. A lot of months of silence later, after some arguements with me, she would 1 or 2 times check his Instagram profile to see how he was doing, and she would tell me she did that, one time going as far as saying she saw that he had broken up with his relationship and she was happy about that, in a mean way, like a grudge. Eventually after 1.5 months of my relationship with this girl lasting, we broke up again about 4 months ago, after arguing constantly, and realising we have to take some time apart, with her saying stuff like maybe we do not match, maybe were not compatible, maybe we will meet again after a year or so and try again.
What followed was 4 months of mind games, where she would seem so confused, one day sending me a long ass message on how she missed me and made the wrong choice, and wanted to tell me she loves me, and the next day acting like a friend and eventually ending all communication, and 2 weeks later acting defensive when I called her again.
A week ago, after about 2 full months of no contact, I called her up and told her we should meet to exchange some books we had lent to eachother, because I wanted them back and was also interested in seeing her, and talking with her a bit about how life is, she sounded happy and agreed, I ended up cancelling the date because I had a fever, and was afraid it was Corona virus so I didn't want to put her in danger, I stayed in self quarantine and bit and everything was fine. She sent me multiple texts during this time, but mostly bland things like, "do you want me to also give you this?" "Are you feeling better?" "Where do you want to meet?" Stuff like that, I responded calmly every time, not being too affectionate, she sent me a message again this Monday asking if I was better, I said I was, we talked for a few minutes and this time it was totally different, she was laughing more and generally was talking a lot more, about life, and not about which books I wanted her to give me, I ended the conversation by telling her to hit me up when she knows she can go out this week with me, and she responded by saying that this week she's probably not free any day. I told her okay, and to let me know if anything changes, she said in the worst case scenario she can just come and drop the books off Infront of my house. I found out through a mutual friend that she had started talking with her ex again and they talked about meeting up, to which she agreed but haven't set a definite date yet. This disgusted me, I sent her a message later that day telling her to grab my books with her on her coaching school tomorrow, and that I would come pick them up, she got defensive and said something like "are you ordering me around??", I simply replied I want to get my stuff back, she said "okay whatever, I will", I ended up ghosting her for some time, not feeling the need to care if she knows I'm ignoring her or not, but eventually I responded and we set a time and everything. That day was last night, I went there and saw her, we approached each other, she was with a friend, and she said "Hello name" and smiled I replied back hey, she immediately gave me my stuff and I gave her back her stuff, she then looked at me for a second and then said, "sooo... See ya?" And I went "yeah" she said "okay" and turned around, I turned too and said "later" while I was walking away, and that was it. I don't know if she already went out with her ex, if she will end up going out with him at all, if they will end up together or anything. And I don't want to know. I'm a totally different person than the one I was when we broke up, I think she saw that yesterday, and so I don't want to stay in the past, I was just wondering if all this time my first real relationship was just a rebound, even if it lasted approximately 1.4 years more than her previous relationship, if it was all a joke.
submitted by XanderGeist to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 12:34 382vksornv Trying OkCupid again after 10 years

I’ve been single 13 years now, very happily so. I realize underestimating my worth has gotten me into crappy job situations and relationship situations as well. I created a profile less than 12 hours ago and already have “233+” likes, which I guess doesn’t mean much if I can’t see who these guys are.
What feels good this round is that I don’t feel the need to respond to crap profiles. The ones who say they’re looking for a long term partner, but “girls tell me I am really big down there” for whatever reason is in a 41 year old mans profile? (Are we really not “women” yet, and are you really not capable of shutting up about your dick for at least a few dates?)
The vague responses and mostly empty profiles are an automatic no, the invasive questions coming from a profile with only one photo and yep it’s a group photo! Before, if they were cute enough I’d bend all my rules to see what they had to say, doing all the work myself and ending up really disappointed. I’m no longer making excuses for them, just realizing “this is not attractive or that’s weird, I’m not feeling it, that’s a no from me boss!”
submitted by 382vksornv to datingoverthirty [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 12:31 oh_sang03 Am (F31), my boyfriend (M31) cheated on me.

We were classmate when we we're in highschool, and after 11yrs.our paths crossed and thats when all of this things started. He came into my life perfectly when i was broken hearted from my past relationship, at first we became friends. I never imagined that we will be in a relationship until one day after 3yrs.of friendship he confessed his feelings for me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I really dont like the idea of friends became lovers but eventually after 3yrs.of his effort on showing his feelings for me i started to like him not as a friend but as a man, and thats the time we decided to be into serious relationship. We just see each other every after 3 months because of his job,yes! were in a long distance relationship and with the kind of his work its really impossible to be with him all the time, so we promised that whatever happens we will overcome the challenges of LDR. We are in our 3rd year of our relationship and we even started on planning marriage. Until one day, i dont know what happened but he started to treat me differently and cold,i thought hes just being pressured on his job and so i ignored it and still i comforted him. But one day out of curiosity(idk what happened to me) i checked his brothers social media acct.and to my surprise i found out his other fb account and the profile pictures and everyting about him with another girl. My world collapsed and i dont know what to do, i started crying as i browse all their pictures and the dates that its posted really shocked me. There is this one post on valentines day he bought a present for that girl and he even posted it while on that same day he accused me of chating to other guy and for the whole day we argue for something i dont know. (Am not the type of girl who chat or txt other guys when am in a relation. Id rather watch movies that entertaining other guy). On that same day i sent him all the pictures that i save together with a message "Now i know why youre treating me this way. Thank you for everything". After that last chat i never answered all his calls and chats until today after 1 year of that very depressing day i didnt responded on all his msgs. The worst part was he had relationship with that girl same year as we decided to date. And that girl even called me and leave me txt saying he knows our relationship and his boyfriend asking her help to break up with me. I dont know if there is one moment that hes being true to me or hes just playing with me. I gave my all to him and i just dont expect what he had done.
--i dont know if i did the right thing on not replying on his chats. --is it ok i did not respond on his girlfriends chat? --is it ok if i dont forgive up until today? --how can i forget all those horror ived experienced? Please give me advice on how will i forget those memories. Thank you.
submitted by oh_sang03 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 10:18 GoldenKing4 Single Player Games I've Completed in 2020

I recently saw u/Thank_You_Love_You 's post on the games they completed, and since I've been keeping track of mine as well, I thought to make a similar post. I'll try to order the games by date played with the most recent games being last. I'll give a score based on how much I liked it and hours played. All of these games were played on PC. Anyway, let's get started!

Bioshock 1 (not remastered) - 16.6 hours - 8.5/10

The atmosphere is amazing, the characters were all distinct, the old-time music fitted really well and was quite catchy, and above all, the ending blew me away. Rapture really sucks you in and although sometimes I would be getting burned out, I still loved exploring and using all of the powers and guns to find what best fit me.

Assassin's Creed: Director's Cut - 21.5 hours - 5.5/10

The game was alright. Kinda clunky which I didn't mind, but all of the missions were the same, and I kept high-profile killing thinking I couldn't low-profile kill with the hidden blade. Made for some fun rooftop kills using the throwing knife though.

Doom 3 (not BFG Edition) - 13.2 hours - 7/10

Pretty good game. Slow-paced, using the flashlight made it feel more like a horror game. The story was kinda meh, but overall not a bad game. BFG still is a BFG. Didn't play the DLC, but looks about the same as the game.

Barkour - <5 hours - 9.5/10

Saw this game on Twitter and got it instantly. It's an indie game on Itch where you're a platforming dog that uses his bark to jump and gain speed and flip around. Really fun, doesn't take long to complete, but totally worth checking out.

Tomb Raider Gold - 17 hours - 7/10

I played through the Legend Trilogy before playing this game. Quite good once you get used to the controls. Ended up playing this using the Numpad, which worked pretty well. The only hard section for me was the doppelganger part, but other than that, challenging game. Lots of tricky sections too. I want to finish all of the classic Tomb Raider games, but this one was quite taxing on motivation.

Spyro 1 Reignited - 10.5 hours - 6/10

This game was a really straightforward, quite easy game. I want to finish the trilogy sometime but haven't felt the need to continue it just yet. Looks really good visually and controls nicely.

Beyond Good and Evil - 12.1 hours - 9/10

Really enjoyed this game! Loved the camera mechanic, areas, side content, and the characters. If you decide to play this, make two save files before you get to the last mission. There is a bug that soft-locks the game meaning you can no longer progress and have to start from your last save. The bug seems to be on-going even after reloading sometimes.

Epic Battle Fantasy 3 - 13.8 hours - 8/10

Played this game as a kid, still holds up quite well. It aims to make fun of JRPG's while also being a good JRPG itself. Pretty challenging game with secrets and lots of gear. Started as a flash game but now has a fourth and fifth installment, which further improves to the mechanics and replayability.

Tomb Raider (2013) - 19.4 hours - 7.5/10

A nice reboot of the series, but wish it had more tombs to raid. Enjoyable game and I hear the squeals are even better. Very cinematic like the Uncharted series.

HuniePop - 27 hours - 10/10

I know I know, but it really is a great game. You play it for the innovative match 3 gameplay (more in-depth than you think) but stick around for the other part of the game. Great artwork, great voice acting, great lip-syncing, great story, great music, great everything.

Watch_Dogs 1 - 45 hours, 8.5/10

People are still playing this game to this day. One of the best parts of the game is when you get invaded by other players in the middle of your single-player playthrough. It's refreshing to see something like this that fits in so well with hacking everything around you. Still looks great and you can mod it to look like it would have looked during the E3 event (you know the one). The story is good, the gameplay is good, DLC is not bad but look up some reviews before buying.

GTA III - 29 hours - 7.5/10

If you can get around the graphics and the controls, then it's still a great game to play in 2020. I haven't done a full playthrough until now. I mostly played for a bit and then moved on, but after completing GTA IV, I wanted to go back and finish the older ones. The game can provide some hilarious gaming moments, as well as some frustrating ones. If you're doing the car delivery missions, don't forget about Mr. Whoopee!

LostWinds - 2 hours - 7/10

A fairly short 2D platformer with interesting mechanics using the wind. Port of a mobile game, but fits well for PC. There is a squeal too, but I haven't played it yet.

Va-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action - 21 hours - 11/10

This is probably the best game I've played all year. I've never played a visual novel before, but I was not at all disappointed. Characters and story are amazingly well crafted, you get to be a cyberpunk bartender in a "booze 'em up", what more could you want! The music is to die for, every song is a joy to listen to. The atmosphere is super fun and cozy. You can get lost in the world for hours without realizing it. If you play any game this year, check this one out!

Castle of Illusion starring Mickey Mouse - 4 hours - 6/10

Alright 2D/3D platformer, pretty short, even to 100%. If you like Disney, then you'll like this game.

Dungeon Siege 1 - 36.4 hours - 8/10

I had a lot of fun with this game. Although old, it still holds up with lots of loot, secrets, party members, combat, and pack mules. Didn't really micro-manage my party, but it was still fun to playthrough. Oh, and no loading screens! Recommend patching it with the Legends of Aranna + extras if you get it on Steam.

Toybox Turbos - 4 hours - 6/10

I remembered it was on mobile so I went looking for it and found it on Steam. Fun top-down racing game, multiplayer is dead, but with friends it can be a lot of fun.

XIII Classic - 9.5 hours - 8/10

Fun, linear FPS with an art style that makes up for the rest. Cel Shaded graphics makes this game stand out. Comicbook-style headshot kills are also really satisfying. Nice ending, but don't want to spoil it. The game's also getting remastered in November of this year.

Ninja Pizza Girl - 9.5 hours - 7.5/10

A 2D platformer about delivering pizzas, bullying, self-esteem, and resilience. Made by a husband and wife team with help from their daughters. Fun platforming with trampolines, long jumps, and high falls. The less you mess up, the faster you go. Has audio logs in the game explaining how the game was made which is really neat.

Bloodrayne 1 - 8.5 hours - 7/10

Really weird vampire game from the early 2000s. Still pretty fun to whip out the huge blades on your arms and chop up some zombies and military personnel. You can also jump on people and suck their blood to regain health while using them as human shields. Story was meh, but the gameplay makes up for it.

Max Payne 3 - 12 hours - 6.5/10

I really wanted this to be like the older games, but I was surprised to find it enjoyable. Very cinematic with lots of cutscenes, fun-ish gunplay with a pretty good story. Watched a video by Raycevick and he made me change my perspective on this game to be a little more positive after playing.

Just Deserts - 14.5 hours - 5/10

This game is nowhere close to HuniePop, but it wasn't too bad. The story was meh with some of the writing and voice-acting being the same. The gameplay is repetitive and you have to get lucky for big money early on if you want the best weapon. Came out with DLC recently.

Chariot - 21.3 hours - 6.5/10

Interesting co-op 2D platformer that is a lot more fun playing with another person. You guide a chariot on wheels across the lands, helping the king look for his final resting place. I played it by myself and it was still fun, but the gameplay tired me out after a while. Gets really challenging at the end, but if you're only going to play this game for a bit, the first world is amazing.

Jet Set Radio - 18.5 hours - 10/10, but I want to give it 11/10

What can I say, but DJ Professor K knows how to throw down some beats! Gameplay consists of grinding rails, spraying graffiti, and outrunning the cops as they use more and more ridiculous amounts of force to try and stop you. Super fun game with more Cel shaded graphics, an incredible soundtrack that I continue to listen to well after playing the game. I ended up using the keyboard instead of a controller, but because of how the game works, it's good with either. The only downside is you can't replay levels or manual save, but after completing the game, you can play in the connected version of each district. Lots of characters to unlock with some challenging ones to unlock too. Highly recommend.

Fable 1 and Fable: The Lost Chapters (not anniversary edition) - 19.5 hours - 7.5/10

Didn't explore much of the marriage options, houses appearing on the market out of "nowhere", or just being mischievous, but it was an enjoyable playthrough. I liked the music a lot, a good amount of side content, and a fun story. Really cool character customization with tattoos and hairstyles that you can find around the world. Also a cool class system, but using Will seems the most fun to try. If I play this again, I will go full-on evil, doing only evil things.

Coffee Talk - 9 hours - 7/10

Very much inspired by Va-11 Hall-A, it's a visual novel about owning a coffee shop that is only open at night. You meet a wide range of characters, some of which are orcs, werewolves, vampires, and aliens. A good story with a latte art system where you can make your own art on certain drinks before serving. Combining ingredients will make different drinks, some secret, some not. The characters will tell you what they want, but you'll have to guess sometimes.

Sleeping Dogs - 36 hours - 10/10

Incredible open-world game set in Hong Kong, where you're an undercover cop, but also get more and more involved with the Sun On Yee gang. Great story, fun driving, you can stuff people in trunks of cars, skill tree for both the police and gangs, and great music. I found myself sitting in my car listening to the classical music station for a while, then driving off and ramming bikes to the music. The traffic laws messed me up for a good hour since they drive on the other side of the road. Side content is vast, but not boring. You can have girlfriends for one date and after the date, they will reveal all of one specific collectible on the map. Collectibles have incentives for you to get them, it's just an all-around, well-designed game. DLC is repetitive, short, but adds new mechanics.

NiGHTS Into Dreams - 8 hours - 9/10

Another amazing SEGA game. It's a game about dreams with fun, easy to learn hard to master gameplay. You fly around to 2D collecting blue chips to give to the Ideya Capture. once you do that a couple of times there is a boss fight, which each boss being very different from one another. It confused me at the start about what was going on and what I had to do. Looked at the manual and it helped a lot. Also watching videos helps too if you get stuck or confused. Highly recommend and it doesn't take long to complete or 100%, just patience.

Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing - 8 hours - 6/10

I hear Transformed is much much better, but I wanted to play the first one anyways. Kinda grind-heavy for "miles" near the end if you want everything. Quick racing game, kinda repetitive, but not bad.

Hitman: Codename 47 - 14 hours - 6/10

The first Hitman game in the series. Very clunky, alright AI, but some levels are so good they shouldn't belong in that game. The hotel level is by far the best. Saving only occurs after missions, and you can't save in the middle of one. I didn't really get hooked on the story. Found myself frustrated more often than not. Probably not worth playing, but you can give it a go for yourself.

Thank you for reading my long post. It was a lot of fun looking back on the games I've played this year, and maybe I can post more about it in the future. Stay patient!
submitted by GoldenKing4 to patientgamers [link] [comments]

2020.09.24 09:12 lovelessfear Influencer BF and double standards

So I am a 21F and my BF is a 22M,to preface this with a few details to make you able to understand me and the situation better I am from washington I am rather shy always called the "grandma friend" and I grew up in a very traditional household and we met about 6 months ago through social media. He had 200 followers and had a super sweet poetry boy vibe (we will call him B) and I got goosebumps when I saw him and so I added him on snap and we immediately began talking. We snap chatted from morning until around 11pm then I asked to facetime and we talked for over 8 hours and by the morning I had bought a plane ticket to Illinois to meet him. I checked his account and he had already gained almost 10k new followers. We continued to talk all day everyday and we both just talked about how we are both not the kind of people who gain feelings fast and we were. He told me before I even bought the ticket that we would start as friends and I agreed because I was feeling things I had never felt before and had this feeling I had to be in his life in some way. I go there and it is immediately not just friends there is a huge phyiscal and emotional connection bur he is still on tinder and getting a lot of really explicit DM's because his Tiktok was growing massively and by 1 week of knowing each other he had 30k followers. I leave and we both cry at the airport and he sends me a message talking about how he thinks I am beyond kind and deserve the world and he wants to be ready for a relationship when he is visiting in a month. So we continue to talk but he goes from all day everyday to a little less everyday but his channel is growing with each day hitting 100k before even a month on social media and he would continously tell me how much he wanted to date me and I would be the perfect gf but he wasn't ready and then a week before he is supposed to leave he tells me he would rather be friends. I cry we talk all night and we decide he should still visit because we miss each other and we can be friends. WRONG. he visits and we act super couplely unless he is on a live and then he would say we were just friends while holding my hand underneath a blanket. he leaves and we decide that's where the romantic aspects end and we should just be friends. I cry he gets home and we talk every couple days and I start the process of moving on. of course like many girls I want to look my best after a breakup and set out on a little glowup. I lose 10 Ibs dye my hair blonde and look amazing and my confidence is so high. I start talking to a guy who was beyond nice and into me (we will call him C) but then B kept talking about how B want's to date me he just want's to be completely ready and I told him I cant wait anymore because it hurt too much. So I post a video on the social media site duetting a past video showing off my transformation since I started on the app and it got a lot of attention. C comments something sweet and B comments something replying to C's comment saying "told ya so <3" (he told me when he ended things I would find someone hotter and nicer). Then later that day B calls again saying he want's to date me and he really trusts me but how is long distance gonna work? I told him he either figures it out or he needs to let me go and we can just be friends. We hang up and then 20 minutes later B says... "well, what if I came and stayed with you for a long period of time" and I am like huh? and B called me and said I am ready I love you and I wanna make it work and I want you to be my gf. I am stunned and hesitant but I say I am gonna sleep on it and call my best friend, E, and she says you need to follow your heart so I call C and tell him everything that happened and he told me he really likes me and wants to be with me but will support me no matter what. So I decide I want to be with B. B and I start dating and his channel is growing and by 4 months he was over 300k and got a manager and a lot of sponsorships and got a OF (which I totally approved of, his body his choice) and was making some insane money. C and I were friends but B said that he didn't feel comfortable with the way we talked so I said no worries and while he did not ask me to unfriend C I thought it best to not talk very often if at all. Now we have been dating a few months he is almost to 400k and I have been not feeling super hot about myself because I gained a little weight. I love myself inside but it's just a little hard on the outside. B stayed at my apartment for 2 months until last week when we both knew he had to go home eventually. And when he was here I noticed he had been texting someone a lot so I asked who it was and it was a girl who had a bunch of followers (around 900k lets call her K) and he said she was asking for advice about getting a manager. And let me just say I am not a jealous person I try to be as unproblematic as possible and never had any issues with that. So he went home and then immediately began travelling for work again and has been a little distant. I leave him alone as much as possible so he can work and we just have a text in the morning and then a call at night. So before our call tonight I am browsing through the app and see a video of my BF's that was kinda scandalous (nbd just shirt off) but K comments a rather flirtaous comment and so I look at his profile a little and notice a few flirty comments. So we have our call tonight and he was a little upset and tired because he had a long day and messed up with some work details. After talking for a bit I mention asking if K knew he has a Gf. He says of course I have posted a picture with you (he was talking about a completely different app and no where in the photo does it say I am his GF) and I mention such details about the photo and hes like well I haven't mentioned it but we only ever talk about business. And I said well do you think you could somehow causually slide it into conversation because I saw a few flirty comments on his vids and honestly she is probs just unaware and its nbd. And he was like I am not going to not be friends with a girl just because she hits on me because it's work. and I slid by that for a second being like no I would never ask you to not be friends with someone as long as they recognize that you have a GF. But then I realize what he said and go wait wait wait. I know for a fact that if I had a guy hit on me you would not want me to talk to him but if a girl hits on you, you can still talk to her if she has a following? and he's like it's different because it's my living. And I said of course but if there were girls, no matter the following, that were completely disrespectful of you having a gf and were aware but hitting on you obviously I do think you would have to set some boundaries. and he agreed and then he just said he was super tired and had to go to bed. And I say ok and bye and he says bye without saying I love you or anything. I know it might seem small but it hurt me because that's the only time I get. Idk, am I just being insecure because I feel ugly right now? I completely will accept it if you guys say I am being ridiculous. Help.
submitted by lovelessfear to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

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